The 5 Biggest Mistakes the Church Made When Raising a Generation

Tammra Reigh
Apr 2
4 min read

Updated: Apr 4

Church has always been foundational. Especially in American culture.

“In God We Trust” isn’t just a slogan—it’s one of the core principles this country was built on.

Many of us were raised to believe going to school and going to church were two pillars of becoming a successful adult. These systems meant to raise and guide us—family, education, and church—were supposed to shape us. Show us what it means to live well. To live right. To be good.

But something went wrong.

The very institutions we were told to trust started leading us astray. And the church—one of the loudest voices—made some major mistakes when it came to raising an entire generation.

Here are five of the biggest ones we need to talk about.

1. They Taught Us Church Instead of God

About ten years ago, I experienced what I can only describe as a spiritual awakening—or “being born again.” Same thing, really. A complete shift in consciousness. A clarity I never had before.

And once I woke up, I realized something: Church had never taught me how to really know God.

I was taught how important it was to attend church.

To dress right. Tithe right. Not have sex before marriage.

Don’t smoke. Don’t drink. Don’t shack (live with someone before you’re married).

Basically—follow the rules.

But no one ever taught me how much love God had for me.

No one told me I could have a real, intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe. I could access that love—freely and fully—without being perfect.

The first time I heard “Amazing Grace” after my awakening, I wept.

Because for the first time, I actually felt what it meant to be lost and then found.

Blind and then able to see.

I had heard the words a thousand times. But this time, I understood what they truly meant.

2. They Scared Us Into Confusion with Sin

Another big mistake?

They confused us—deeply—about sin.

We were taught sin was a list of bad behaviors.

Drink, smoke, cuss, lie, have sex—don’t do it or you’ll burn in hell.

It wasn’t about spiritual alignment or disconnection from love.

It was about fear and control.

We were told we were born sinners. But how can a baby be born sinful? What immorality could an infant possibly commit?

Sin was weaponized as a way to keep us in line. To scare us. And it caused a whole generation to fear things they were never meant to fear. We learned to see God as harsh and judgmental instead of loving and merciful.

And ironically, it went against what the Bible actually teaches. In Genesis, God warns us not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. But what did the church do? They divided everything into “good” and “bad.” Holy or sinful. Worthy or unworthy. Another major misstep.

3. They Made Us Dependent on Pastors Instead of the Holy Spirit

The church made a whole generation believe we needed a preacher to access God. That we had to go through someone to hear from Him.

That’s not what Jesus came for.

Jesus came to restore direct relationship between us and God. He tore the veil. He ended the need for middlemen.

But the church kept gatekeeping the presence of God—placing preachers on pedestals instead of teaching people how to seek, hear, and walk with the Holy Spirit themselves.

Church could still be a powerful place—a gathering of community, unity, and worship. But instead, it became a place where people depended on a man with a mic to feel close to God.

The truth? You don’t have to wait for Sunday. You don’t need a platform. You don’t need a preacher’s permission. You already have access.

4. They Confused Church Attendance with Character

One of the most damaging beliefs passed down was this: Going to church makes you a good person.

It doesn’t.

Being in a building on Sundays doesn’t change your heart. Quoting scriptures doesn’t make you holy. Long prayers don’t make you righteous.

The Bible even warns us about this. Jesus spoke openly about the Pharisees—those who loved the rituals but lacked the love. They cared more about appearances than inner transformation.

They cared more about the outside of the cup, than the inside of the cup.

Real spiritual maturity isn’t about being seen at church. It’s about your character when no one’s looking. It’s about your connection to God when you’re alone. It's about actually doing the work—not just showing up and believing that’s enough.

5. They Set Us Up for Disappointment

This last one may be the most painful of all. The church led many of us to believe if we followed all the rules, we’d be safe from suffering.

If we lived right, stayed pure, did everything “by the book”—we’d be protected from pain.

But that’s not how life works. You can love God deeply and still experience illness, loss, betrayal, and grief.

We believed goodness would exempt us. Faith would shield us. Prayer—prayed hard enough--could fix anything. But when hard times came anyway, many of us were left confused, angry, and disappointed.

It created a generation of people who would rather hide their struggles than heal them. Who learned to perform righteousness instead of walking in authenticity.

But what you hide can’t heal.

It’s Time to Fix the Mistakes

This isn’t about bashing the church. It’s about correction. It’s about healing from teachings that were misguided.

The God I know now, I didn’t get the chance to know before.

He is love. He is patient. He is truth. He is intimate and personal and real.

And He is available—to all of us. Always has been.